In today’s fast-paced world, it can be challenging for couples to stay aligned on their family goals and decisions. This is where FamilyOS steps in with a simple 3D Process^©, a simple yet powerful tool designed to help families make intentional and thoughtful decisions together. Whether you’re navigating daily routines or significant life changes, the 3D Process^© provides a structured approach to ensure that every voice is heard and every concern is addressed.

Step 1: Discover

Have you ever started a simple conversation that then divulged into deeper and deeper conversation and wondered how you ended up there? Recently we were talking about getting new baseball socks for our son. Do we need navy blue or royal blue? Suddenly we were talking about the bad communication from the sports league. Which led to a conversation about how different sports are in small town Colorado compared to the big suburbs or Texas. Which led to a conversation about the ideal environment to raise kids. That escalated quickly to some deep waters when we were just talking about navy blue or royal blue socks.

The first step in the 3D Process^© is all about discovery. This stage encourages couples to identify and articulate the real issues they need to discuss. It’s easy for conversations to drift, but this step ensures that both partners stay focused on the same topic. By asking the right questions, such as “What is the real issue we are trying to discuss?” or “How do we stay on track with the same discussion?”, families can avoid misunderstandings and stay aligned.

Now, when a new issue comes up, we clarify if we are solving the original issue (royal or navy) or a new issue (ideal place to raise a family). And if it's the latter, we might agree we are not prepared for that conversation, but we should come back to it by putting it in our parking lot.

The main objective of this step is to make sure we are on the same page about what we are even trying to decide on.

Step 2: Discern

Once the core issue is identified, the next step is discernment. This stage involves gathering all necessary information and reflecting on it before making any decisions. It’s a time to consider the implications, seek out additional details if needed, and think critically about the best course of action. Questions like “How much do we need to process this decision?” or “Is there additional information we need to make a good decision?” help guide this stage, ensuring that decisions are well-informed and thought out.

For decisions where I am feeling stuck, I like to refer to these 10 questions from my friend Blake Holmes:

1. What biblical principles should inform my decision?
2. Do I have all of the facts?
3. Is the pressure of time forcing me to make a premature decision?
4. What are the possible motives driving my decision?
5. How should past experiences inform my decision?
6. What is the collective counsel of my community?
7. Have I honestly considered the warning signs?
8. Have I considered the possible outcomes for my course of action?
9. Could this decision jeopardize my integrity or hinder my witness for the Lord?
10. Is there a better option that would allow me to make a greater impact for God’s kingdom?

Step 3: Decide

The final step in the process is decision-making. Here, the focus is on action—deciding on the next steps. It’s crucial to clarify what actions need to be taken and who will be responsible for each task, along with setting clear expectations. This step helps ensure that plans don’t just stay as ideas but are implemented effectively.

Sometimes the next step is to do something. For example, we had lots of discussions about fixing a piece of trim or hanging a picture, but I never committed to actually doing something about it. If I would have committed to taking action by our next Family Connect^© time, I think my wife would have been much happier. Instead, she was frustrated and eventually hired a handyman.

Sometimes the right next step is to get more information. “Could I talk to ____, and share their thoughts next week?”

Sometimes, we agree to pray and come back to an issue in a future quarterly family connection time. For example, we were not prepared to make certain decisions around changing jobs, trying fertility treatment, or moving homes. However, that was an active decision, not a passive one. We set a future date to come back to the topic and discuss it again and see if we got clarity and alignment.

By following these steps, couples can create a home environment where decisions are made thoughtfully and collaboratively, strengthening their relationship and fostering a sense of unity in the family. And everything that has not been decided on stays in the Parking Lot^© until it becomes urgent or important.

Want to grab some free resources to help? Download the tools here.

Join us for the FamilyOS Summit November 8-9th in Dallas, TX!

Live intentionally,

Ryan & Allyson